Faces

Faculty Matters

James Carter, Jr.

(October 2020) I gazed around the room 
at all the Faces 
primed to discover truths that lay hidden 
beneath privileged shells 
Unconscious bias training 
for those unaware of microaggressions and silent terror 
Three hours 
Three hours to capture the essence of my experience 
as if I were a multicolored butterfly 
drifting past a distant sightline 
into their embrace 

I looked around the room 
at all those tranquil Faces 
and wanted to tell them 
I am terrified of Police 
of firearms and helicopters 
I am terrified to walk down the street 

They will shoot you, Son 
My Daddy used to say 
as he laid down his service weapon 
beside his badge 

They will shoot you 

I looked around the room 
at all those curious Faces 
and so wanted to tell them 
I am terrified of Landlords 
how securing shelter is a courageous act 
that flashing my bootstraps pulled high is humiliating 
a futile shield from their refusals to let me in 

They will shoot you, Son 

I looked around the room 
at all those introspective Faces 
and wanted to tell them 
I am terrified of Bosses 
of weaponized appraisals that my uniqueness 
brands me unfit for appreciation

They will shoot you, Son 

I looked around the room 
at all the doleful Faces 
and wanted to tell them 
I am more than what they allow me to be 
how time and again 
they thrash my sapience and expertise 
I wanted to tell them every day I absentmindedly caress my scars 

Every day 

I want to breathe fairness and light 
deep 
reparative 
no more short gulps of fear 
I want to dance under stars with dreams deferred 
I want to cherish my belonging 
bury my shame 
and cleanse with the tears of my ancestors 
I want to exist
inviolate and serene 

They will shoot you, Son 

I looked around the room 
at all the uncomfortable Faces 
I wanted to tell them 
everything 

Instead I chose to remain steadfast and free 
regal with heritage and legacy 
steeled to endure each trespass that may come 

They will shoot you, Son 

They will shoot you

James Carter, Jr., MD, assistant professor of medicine in the Division of Cardiology, is board certified in internal medicine, cardiology, and vascular medicine. He focuses on social determinants of health, nutrition, and wound healing. His poem was published in The Human Touch, an annual anthology of poetry, prose, photography and graphic art by the Anschutz Medical Campus community.