About the author: Originally from Hawai’i, Gilbert grew up learning about his grandparents’ experiences as union workers in the sugarcane plantation fields. This spurred his interest in organizing and contributing to social causes that address power imbalances. He has a B.S. degree from the University of Minnesota, with concentrations in Child Development, Psychology, and Holistic Health, and is a graduate student in counseling psychology at Saint Mary’s University.   

My earliest encounter with a pronoun clarification came in 2008 at a health equity conference hosted by the CDC. During a breakout session, a panelist asked to be referred to as “they/them”. I was in the audience, puzzled by the request. After the session ended, I chatted about the exchange with a colleague, a trans- woman (and fellow Filipino American). “I don’t understand why I or anyone else needs to change the way we speak,” I insisted. After listening to my rationale, she patiently walked me through an enlightening, life altering conversation.

“Gil, let me ask you a few things,” she said. “Isn’t this akin to your asking everyone else to call you ‘Gil’ versus ‘Gilbert’? I don’t have a problem with that, because it’s just a way for me to show that you matter.”

“Hmm…I guess I see your point,” I replied.

From there, she asked, “Also, I wonder…Do you struggle with the identities of people when the word siya is used? Filipinos use it for everybody.” I did not, and she didn’t need to explain further. “Ah, you’re absolutely right,” I said.

In Tagalog, the national language of the Philippines, the word siya [pronounced “she-yah”] is a pronoun applied to people across the gender spectrum (Dela Cruz, 2023). Although there are words for ‘man’ and ‘woman’ in various Filipino languages, the existence of a singular pronoun demonstrates how notions of gender vary by culture.

Other groups are more expansive in their conception of both gender and sex. My colleague pointed out, “Gil, you’re also Hawaiian, which has a more spacious understanding; where there’s room for more than two sexes.”

She was right. Native Hawaiians have historically made room for three genders: male, female, and the mahu, consisting of people with the essence of both (Hamer & Wong-Kalu, 2022). Among other Pacific Islanders, such as the Samoan, there are four (Weedon, 2019). Diverse traditions from around the world serve as counterexamples to challenge what we often accept as “natural” sex and gender categories in the contemporary West.

It took this thoughtful exchange with my colleague to grasp how the boundaries I’d come to accept were easily destabilized once I recalled the wisdom of my ancestors. The dominant system of binaries we take for granted—male/female, man/woman, and the pronouns we attach to them—are cultural artifacts that are by no means fixed, universal truths.

In observance of Pride, I hold this invaluable lesson to heart. Trans and non-binary people were among those who catapulted the LGBTQ movement by boldly standing up against a social structure that sought to contain them in rigid boxes, both figurative and literal. Honoring one’s pronouns is a liberating act that carries this visionary legacy forward, and dignifies their right to exist in the fullness of their humanity.       

References

Dela Cruz, Y. F. B. (2023). Siya nga ba’y gender neutral?: A preliminary linguistic analysis of the genderedness of Filipino. UP Working Papers in Linguistics, 2(1), 93-119. Retrieved from https://linguistics.upd.edu.ph/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/13-Siya-nga-ba_y-Gender-Neutral.pdf

Hamer, D., & Wong-Kalu, H. (2022). Kapaemahu: Toward story sovereignty of a Hawaiian tradition of healing and gender diversity. The Contemporary Pacific, 34(2), 255-291.

Weedon, A. (2019, August 30). Fa'afafine, fakaleitī, fakafifine—Understanding the Pacific's alternative gender expressions. Australian Broadcasting Corporation. Retrieved from https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-08-31/understanding-the-pacifics-alternative-gender-expressions/11438770